I Hate To Be Rude

Mrs. Swingshift is turning the tables on you all today.

You have gone to another couple's home and did not have a satisfying encounter. Its late, you have a babysitter on the clock, and you want to leave so badly that you can taste it. The host couple, however is not reading your longing looks at the doorway and begins to fuck. How do you politely leave while they are fucking? Do you (as Hubman and I did) wait for them to finish or take a break? Is it rude to tap them on the shoulder and go, "Hey, sorry its late, but we are beat and we gotta go"?

At first the date almost did not happen. There were some phone shenanigans that lead us to believe that there was no woman there and Hubman and I were preparing to find alternative plans. I knew how badly Hubman wanted to fuck Barbie so I decided to give them another call. And this time I got Darryl on the phone and we chatted.

Darryl seemed very intelligent. He mentioned he had just been laid off and me being ever helpful offered to look at his resume. He then explained that he was an intellectual property lawyer but he was thinking of trying something new. He was a also a student of molecular biology before he gave it all up to be a lawyer.

I was excited. I am a serious nerd chaser. Smart people turn me on, especially people who are good at math and science. In HS, while other girls my age were chasing the quarterback, I was crushing on the head mathlete.

Anyway, we drove about 45 minutes and I was really looking forward to the date. We meet the couple at the bar, and Darryl is short, but I had gotten over my short thing. As for Barbie, her nickname here was aptly chosen. She is truly Swinger Barbie. Not that she is plastic, she was very sweet, if introverted. Its just that physically she is perfect. If you were going to go down a checklist for 'typical hot woman' she gets a mark in every box.

We sit and chat, and I notice that Darryl likes to brag about himself. Now Hubman and I are reasonably well educated, but I almost never mention my degree and Hubman does when discussions of what he does for work occur because its an integral part. Hubman and I choose not to mention our schooling because some people find it intimidating even though we believe that there are many brilliant people who never went to or finished college.

But Darryl's comments were different. Darryl just didn't study molecular biology, he studied molecular biology with the top ranked international expert in the field at Harvard. I did mention what I do for work and told a quick story about the fact I work closely with the police department. He then asked if they were hiring stating that he would bet he could beat any cop in a 20 mile radius on any portion of the physical.

During our drinks I try to engage Barbie in conversation. Darryl mentioned on the phone that she is shy, but based on the filthy text messages she sent to me and Hubman I figured she would warm up. I ask her about her work. She says nothing. Darryl had mentioned that she does not love her job so I start asking her about the kids. She does not perk up at the mention of them either. Darryl then fills me in about the kids and I head all about how they are his carbon copy.

I am not getting turned on by the bragging. Accomplished people do, they don't tell. But its not enough to really bother me so when they invite us back to the house we go. While we are at the restaurant Darryl made no move to touch me but I thought that maybe since we were at a place within 2 minutes of his house he did not want to engage in eyebrow raising behavior.

We get to the house, which is a lovely house, with enough child mess to make me feel comfortable. I comment on how lovely the home is and I am treated to a litany of all of the remodeling that he did himself. Then they invite us into the living room and turn on the TV.

This has me curious. Are we here to watch television or fuck. Because if I want to watch TV, I'll stay home.

A few moments passes and Hubman kisses Barbie. I kiss her too and turn my attention to Darryl while Hubman works his magic on Barbie. In a few moments Darryl and I are in our underwear and he grabs me complaining he's cold. He then explains to me that he is cold, because you know he only has 5% body fat. We sit on the couch and I snake my hand down his shorts searching for his cock. And searching. And searching. I finally find it, look up at the ceiling and pray "Please let him be a grower." There was a picture of Barbie sucking a nice thick looking cock on their profile which I assumed to be his cock. It wasn't.

After a few minutes of working him with my hand he did grow to a full erection. I could be very rude but lets say that all of his bragging was definitely compensating for more than his height. (Which he lied about. He claimed to be 5'8" to 5'10". He was 5'6". It's ok if your short, just fucking own it).

So I blow him, and managed to get his entire cock in my mouth in one swipe and am able to twirl his whole cock around in my mouth, this is not my usual cocksucking experience.

I am thinking at this point that hopefully we can move onto the sex and call it a night. He removes his finger and puts his cock inside me. I am clenching for all I am worth and I can feel him a little. We fuck and I am concentrating on tyring to feel him. I do the vise move which normally makes my companions comment on how tight my pussy is but with him I still can barely feel anything.

I do like a large cock, but you do not have to be a nine incher to please me. However I like my men to be manly and when someone is on top of me I want to feel muscle and a little heft. I felt nothing.

On top of the small size, even though he is all over me and kissing me and telling me how he loves how soft and sexy I am, he cannot keep an erection consistently. I felt bad, but I noticed that he had trouble keeping hard when he was fucking Barbie later that evening which made me feel less bad.

Next to me, Hubman is pounding into Barbie. Barbie is groaning like a porn star. I feel like she is getting to feast on the deluxe pub cheeseburger platter, the kind that comes with fries and onion rings, while I am trying to make do with the pickle spear on her plate.

Anyway Hubman yanks off the condom and cums on her breasts and I lick it off. She does has spectacular nipples and a fine boob job. I am thrilled that Hubman is finished and start mentally inventorying the location of my underwear and dress so I can get dressed as soon as decently possible and get the fuck out of there.

Nope. Darryl and Barbie start fucking. I shoot Hubman a look and he shoots one back at me his eyes saying, "I don't know what to do." I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, hoping that my absence will get them to stop.

I come back and now Barbie is sucking Hubman's cock while fucking her husband. I try initiating something with Darryl again to have something to do, but I get distracted by the evening news.

Eventually they take a break from the action and we go home.

I was also surprised that I was not the least attracted to Barbie. She has a gorgeous, and I mean gorgeous figure. 5'7", 115 pounds, fake boobs, long curly hair, pierced nipples and clit. She was truly a poster child for the lifestyle. However I like my women to be soft and warm, and a little bit squishy to the touch and she was none of those things.

Rereading the profile I am guessing that their preference for 'married men with permission' means that they are really looking for more of a hotwifing experience than a swinging experience. It turns out that he also 'surprised' his wife with a swingers profile.

Hubman and I usually have a rule that we have one date to gauge chemistry and the second date is for fucking. We veered from that rule last night. And I find that each time we waver on one of our rules, (no couples without kids, see Ned and Ann; no face pics, no date, see Vetting.) it seems to reinforce why that rule exists.

Hubman apologized for my not having an enjoyable evening, but the apology while appreciated wasn't warranted. Sometimes he has a better time, sometimes I have a better time. My favorite times though are when we both have an equally good time.