Four Reasons Newt's "Open Marriage" Won't Hurt His Electability

Warning: Cynical Rant Below.  

When I heard the interview of Marianne Gingrich talk about Newt wanting an "Open Marriage"  I rolled my eyes.  I knew while this revelation would make Newt uncomfortable, that it would not hurt him in the election.

Yes, we could yada, yada, yada about the hypocrisy of his running as a family values person, or the 'Liberal' media's fixation on a non story (and many talented pundits have) but the real reasons this won't negatively effect Newt are:


1. Marianne Gingrich Has No Moral High Ground: 
Marianne Gingrich is a stunning example of karma working.  Now if we want moral high ground, lets all think about Elizabeth Edwards.  That was a woman who had the moral high ground.

2. People Like New Shiny Things:
This is an age of planned obsolesce.  We replace our phones every two years when something new and shiny comes out, we replace our tv's because they are not 'cool'.  We as Americans are constantly in search of the newer and 'better'.  This can be especially true of rich and powerful people.

And I know that I am going to have to hand in my feminism membership card for this, but Marianne Gingrich is unattractive.  Callista Gingrich doesn't do it for me either, but I bet if she gave up the shellacked makeup and hair, she would be quite attractive.  I also think that she wears a look that ages her (she's only 45) so the 23 year age difference between her and Newt is not so apparent.

Is it wrong for me to judge Marianne Gingrich on her appearance?  Absolutely.  I am a shallow person.  But most of us are shallow people who judge books by their covers.

I also think that in the dirty, shallow, cheeto stained region of people's pysche, its ok to cheat on your spouse if they are ugly.   And while Newt Gingrich is physically no prize, he is a wealthy, powerful man.  If you are wealthy and powerful, you don't have to really be hot to be attractive.


3. Men are jealous of Newt Gingrich:
 Think about it.  Each time Newt trades his current wife for a younger, blonder and hotter model.  At this rate his 4th wife will be:

 


4. Americans Have More Important Things To Worry About Than Who Newt Gingrich Fucks:
 Huge numbers of unemployed people.  People losing their homes in droves.  People who will spend their entire lives paying off student loans.  Iran.  Iraq.  Afghanistan. Oil dependency.  Our failing schools.  Crystal Meth.  Does anyone really have the time or energy to care about who Newt Gingrich is fucking?

In 2000 we could make a big deal of morality and family values because things were going pretty well.  In 2004 we could fuss about 'family values' because the economy was still holding on, and politicians could feed off of 9/11 partiotism.

Now, we have too many other things going on.  As far as I'm concerned, Newt could release a sex tape with him and Calista having an orgy with Kim Kardashian and Lindsay Lohan and all people would talk about is the size of Kim's ass and how much plastic surgery LiLo had.

Personally, I would love a picutre of Newt having sex, because I am trying to diet and I really need a good appetite suppressant.

The truth is, I don't think that Newt really asked for an Open Marriage.  He asked to have his cake and eat it too.  Obviously I was not there, but I am willing to bet that if  Marianne countered with, "Sure Newt, go ahead and screw Callista, I'm going to fuck our  CPA",  Newt would not have gone for that.

And this is not because Newt would not want his wife to have the same opportunities that he had, but because a real open marriage would not have been acceptable in politics at the time Newt supposedly proposed it. 

I also doubt that a couple who swings, or practices poly relationships would be considered acceptable in politics today. 

I used to joke with Hubman that before we started swinging, we had to decide if we ever wanted to run for office, because Swingers would not be getting elected to the White House in our time.  (But imagine the parties we could have in the Lincoln Bedroom)

If you are going to be concerned about Gingrich, there is a litany of things that are far better to focus on than how he handles the ends of his marriages.